grandma wonder

out of nowhere caught myself laughing at how funny it would be to try and teach grandma how to use a cell phone. today is grandma’s birthday. since she’s not here i celebrate her in my head.

wonder what it was like when she was a kid, whether her cotton picking parents ever treated her extra special so she’d always know her birth deserved a celebration separate from that which the world was celebrating. i don’t think so. i don’t think she knew she was special for many years and if so probably only thought herself special in god’s eyes.

the tradition of having christmas at her house went away and got replaced by families breaking apart or wanting to create their own traditions. she was never alone on her birthday but the crowd that celebrated her got smaller and smaller until it was just her in a bed listening to christmas music play overhead, the smell of turkey dinner wafter through an old folks home, and a nurse who would give her the phone to listen and respond to voices she no longer remembered.

i wonder if ever they treated her special, if they ever took her outside or sat with her to read or listen to her share a memory that may or may not remain after spoken. i hope so. i hope she was treated with dignity and wasn’t too scared when the faces before her couldn’t validate her story. it feels good to remember her and marvel at how she made me feel special when it wasn’t even my birthday.